You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
