I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
