If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
