ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
