I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
