He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
a search helicopter?!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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