just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
