i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
