your parents love me but you hate me
i was born a porn star she said
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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