the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
