we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
