wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
