good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
