so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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