I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
