you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
