it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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