god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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