Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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