I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
