Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this is an emotional support booty call
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
