it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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