Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
