you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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