I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The air was thick with penises
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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