This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
