3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
