i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i love accidental penises.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
