can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
