Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
