fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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