I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
