That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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