I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
