So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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