I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
