no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize