We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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