Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
