You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
