I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
