Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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