You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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