Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
