Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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