I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This baby is an asshole
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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