whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
