I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
