Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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