I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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