drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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