Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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