I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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