Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
