What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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