im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize