do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
