while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
