the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
