glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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