3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
