After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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