My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
