he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
