hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
