That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
