there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
