he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
someone owes me an orgasm
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
