It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
