Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
