went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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