Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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