Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
